Hey, buddy, got a light?

All right, that’s it. Government is going too far. Not just in Washington but right here in Kirkwood. They’re trying to stop me from smoking in public places. When is this infringement on my personal liberty going to stop? I’m not allowed to drive as fast as I want because there are “speed limits.” My car goes from 0 to 60 in three seconds. I want to use that power. I see no reason why I can’t drive at least 50 on Lindbergh. Let all the slowpokes take Geyer or Taylor. Every October I have dead leaves in my yard. It’s silly to rake them into piles, then stuff them into bag - which I pay for - to be hauled away to who knows where. I want the right to burn them. It’s easier and smells the way Fall was meant to smell. If neighbors don’t like it, let ‘em stay inside. With their windows closed.

There is no end to the encroachment by do-gooders on my personal freedoms. l have to put my dog on a leash when walking her in public places. C’mon, dogs were meant to run free. I can’t shoot fireworks on July 4th to celebrate our nation’s freedom from England. I have to drive out to Wentzville or Sullivan to fire off my Roman candles and bottle rockets. That obviously dampens my patriotic spirit, right?

I had a rude awakening last month. I went to Chicago, to a blues bar. Guess what. No smoking. In a blues bar. In Chicago. The place was packed, the beer was cold, the band was hot - and the air was strangely clear. Gimme a break. How can you listen to blues without breathing in second-hand smoke? I had to leave after three hours, it was so unnerving.

The City Council needs to protect the handful of restaurant owners from the insidious effects of a smoking ban in Kirkwood. This isn’t about serving good food in a healthy atmosphere. It’s about our individual rights as citizens to do what we please. Even if it means exposing our non-smoking citizens to respiratory diseases. Let ’em eat outside. I didn’t move here to be dragged into the 21st century, along with 33 other states and countless individual communities. Don’t enlighten me about health risks. The issue is more than the individual’s right to choose. It’s the individual business owner’s right to make a profit, even if their employees end up wearing oxygen tanks around their neck.

To head off an ugly confrontation between the two factions, here’s an idea. Invoke a temporary, one-year ban on smoking in public places. Give the public a chance to see how awful that is. Let the restaurant owners see how their customers would rather smoke than eat. Then revisit it at the end of the year. Just don’t shove us into the 21st century. Maybe in a hundred years.